The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
