I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
