he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
