The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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