i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
