just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
