WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
