What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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