If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
tell me about the fingering
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