So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
