He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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