that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
