if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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