he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
