I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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