Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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