after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize