My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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