YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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