Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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