Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
