Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
