I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Two words: nipple clamps
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