i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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