My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
