Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
