I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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