I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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