Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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