it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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