what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
