God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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