We're facebook friends in real life
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
