Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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