At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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