two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
