If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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