THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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