tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
