He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize