i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
