i think my tv is drunk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
