Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
