Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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