So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
