if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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