you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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