Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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