I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
