In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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