he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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