So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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