Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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