I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize