No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
