i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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