I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
