guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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