so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
