Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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