He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
