Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
