as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
