Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
