Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
