When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
