So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
